lunes, 10 de octubre de 2016

Para revisar

The Drama Triangle. Possibly one of the most profound, useful, and versatile tools I have found for understanding and addressing core relationship malfunctions.

The core idea of this is that we sometimes project ourselves, and the other people in our lives, into these roles of Victim, Rescuer, and Bully- and when we do so, it feeds a cycle of Drama. We can get out of this drama by embracing the roles of Survivor, Coach, and Challenger, roles characterized by clear boundaries alongside clear communication. 

There's many things I could say about this, but one aspect I've seen come up regularly is when someone who has been seen as a Rescuer attempts to be Coach, and asserts boundaries to the person playing Victim. The Victim person cannot fathom that the Rescuer may not rescue them in the way they want, sees those boundaries as an act of aggression, and from then on, begins to see them as the Bully. In so doing, the Victim then themselves often becomes the Bully, putting down and criticizing the other person for failing to Rescue them, and potentially attempting to guilt them or manipulate them into returning to their desired role of Rescuer.

How do we, as person seeking healing, avoid falling into the trap of playing Victim and projecting our loved ones and community members into these roles of Rescuer and Bully? There is no easy answer to that, but one key is to take responsibility for ourselves, and seek consent for the rescuing/healing we desire to receive from others. Often times, this can mean *not* going to the ones we love to help us move through the Big Things, and instead looking to professionals, or to our wider community, to help us work through our trauma, and our healing. It also means staying in check with reality, and recognizing that no single person can give us everything we need, and that to ask that of them may in turn cause hurt to them...

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